ALMOST ONE YEAR!!!!

(I really wish I was wherever this picture was taken, relaxing.)

Well, we are coming up on our one year anniversary(8/24/05 LID), and no one really has any kind of clear picture as to how referrals are going to happen this month. Personally, I am just hoping that they get through the entire month of July. This 13 day stuff just totally stinks.

I (against my better judgement) visited a certain website that has lots of rumors on it recently, and have seen a few rumors that I really hate. One of them made me flip out a little and start really worrying about whether or not we would get rejected in the matching room. I banged off an email posthaste to my rep at our agency, who called me and eased my fears...Beth...if you are out there reading this, you are wicked awesome, and truly a credit to your profession! It's not like me to lose it over a rumor---OK, it's TOTALLY like me--- but I really think that this wait is getting to me.

I have been laying awake at night thinking about our daughter. What will she look like? What will we name her? What province is she in? Is she comfortable? Is she hungry? ...And it's killing me. I just want my baby home with us, as all of us do, I'm sure. But this teetering on the edge of wait/referral has me frazzled. I wasn't feeling this way until this month. Maybe it's because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel-even if it's very faint-and the anticipation is worse now, than the months that I was knowing, for certain, that no referral would be coming. I hold no expectations for this month, but for next month I'm not so sure. I have mentally set myself up for an Oct/Nov. referral, but it would be really nice to be PLEASANTLY surprised for once. For once, God pleeeease, just this once... I already have just about everything we are taking to China with us. Everything except her clothes, because we have no idea what size she will be, and what the weather will be like.

But my heart aches for her, my precious daughter, whom I haven't seen yet, but already love in my heart. I don't understand how I can love her so much without even knowing her...but I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

Well, anyway, sorry bout the depressing post...here's hoping that the CCAA gets through AT LEAST the end of July.

Meliss